"Easiest blind date ever!"
When you’re looking for love, people always tell you about all the fish in the sea. And while you certainly have plenty of women to choose from if you go the online dating route, don’t forget: You’re just one of many men thatshecan choose, too.
A recent study by MBAPrograms.org found 49 million people search for love each month on eHarmony and Match.com alone. With so many options, women are carefully scrutinizing what you say in your profile. So we consulted with dating experts and real women who have used online dating sites to see which common phrases found in men’s profiles turn women off the most. (For more red-hot tips straight from the fairer sex, discoverWhat Every Woman Wants.)
You say: “I want to be with someone who takes care of herself.”
She hears: “The person on my arm should look perfect all the time.”
Women get it:Of courselooks matter. But phrasing it like this can make her fear you have impossibly high standards. “I’m in good shape and think I have nice clothes, and I put effort into my hair and makeup, but we haven’t even met yet and I’m worried I don’t meet your standards,” says Melanie*, a 30-year-old Jacksonville woman who’s tried several online dating websites.
Ashley, a 25-year-old Atlanta woman and frequent online dater, says to her it means, “you want to be with a woman who frequents the gym.” If that’s the case, the more tactful way to get your point across is to give examples of how active you are, and mention activities you hope a potential mate would enjoy with you, says eFlirtExpert.com founder Laurie Davis, author of the upcoming bookLove at First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating.
You say: “I’ve been told I’m really good at massages.”
She hears: “I sleep with a lot of women and I’m all about getting physical. Forget that relationship nonsense.”
Ditch the rubdown talk, stat. “Putting that in your profile is so creepy,” says dating coach David Wygant, author ofAlways Talk to Strangers: 3 Simple Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life. “There’s no reason for a guy to ever say that.”
But Davis is willing to give guys the benefit of the doubt. “Sometimes I think guys mean this line to show they’re affectionate, but it just comes off like they sleep around.” Instead, show you’re chivalrous: If you grew up with sisters, mention how how that constant female presence taught you the right way to treat women, Davis suggests.
You say: “I’ll treat you like a princess.”
She hears: “I’ll spend our entire first dating bragging about my income, car, and high-rise condo. That is, if I haven’t already covered it in my profile.”
Enough with the braggadocio. “You’re doing well for yourself, and I’msoprivileged you’re willing to spend your hard-earned money on me,” Melanie says, sarcastically. “I have a graduate degree and a job I love. I want to be your equal, not someone you wait on hand and foot.”
Wygant advises against hinting at your income. “You’re attracting women who will take advantage of you and your money,” he says. Instead, mention that you have old-fashioned values or that your mother “raised you right.” (Stuck wondering what else she thinks? Learn39 Things Women Wish You Knew.)
You say: “Just looking to meet someone new and see where it goes.”
She hears: “Online dating is a great way for me to meet a new girl every night of the week.”
You might flock to the Web looking for a fling, but she’s got something deeper in mind. “That’s basically telling a woman, ‘I’m looking to have sex … tonight,’” says Wygant. Adds Ashley: “I don’t need any more friends.”
If you’re only looking for something casual, set the record straight. Try this fix from Wygant: “I’m just looking to see where each connection leads me, and maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised.”
You say: “I’m confident, but not cocky.”
She hears: “I’m actually really cocky.”
Both Davis and Wygant agree that you can show you’re confident without saying it outright. Wygant suggests something like this instead: “I’ve got great friends, a family I adore, and a job I love. I’ve got a great life and am looking for someone to share it with.”
In addition, Davis says to stay away from statements in your profile that might make you seem less confident, like “Message me,” or “Email me if you want to know more.”
You say: “I try to stay fit and work out a few times a week.”
She hears: “I’m obsessed with my physique and will judge your every imperfection.”
“You tell me how much time you spend at the gym, and I’m immediately nervous that my level of exercise isn’t up to your standards,” says Melanie.
“The problem is men are counters,” adds Wygant. “They want to tell you exactly how much they work out, and that doesn’t mean anything to women.” Here’s a better way to show her exercise is an important part of your life: Explain why you do it. Do you sweat to relieve stress? Clear your head? Boost your productivity? Write it all down.
And get specific. “Your profile is really a discussion point—you want to inspire someone to email you,” Davis says. “Talking about working out in general isn’t going to inspire anyone to make it into a discussion, but if you mention a running trail you like, it might resonate with someone.” (Want to take her on a date outdoors? Try one ofAmerica’s Most Amazing Hikes.)
